when i was 12 a love bird flew into the window of my room and rested on my desk. i was doing my assignments then and i was surprised by this sudden apparition. at first the avian and i just stared at each other, wondering if either of us was an illusion, until finally i decided to test reality. i slowly reached out my hands and cuffed it in my palm. it was real! a real live love bird from some neighbor’s cage has accidentally escaped and reached our two story house. i took it to my mom and asked her if i could keep it. she said love birds would die of sorrow if they sit in a cage all alone, she proposed that i give it away to one of my cousins who had a pair of love birds so that it would have some company at least.
i was stubborn (i still am), i decided to keep it anyway. i placed it in a makeshift cage and fed it breadcrumbs (i didnt even know if it was supposed to eat that) i was thinking of naming it petrie after that dinoasaur in land before time, it sounded neutral, after all i didnt know if my pet was a male or a female nor did i know how to figure out its gender.
two days later, i noticed petrie looked sick. i took it out of its cage and let it rest on the desk where it first landed. it hopped once or twice then just stood there very very still, looking at me intently, as if asking me what plans i have for it. i remembered what my mom said. maybe petrie was sad and wanted company. with a heavy heart, i picked it up with my index finger and whispered “i don’t know how or why you came into my life, but i’m not ready to take care of you yet. i don’t know how. and i don’t want to see you sad either. so i have to let you go. i’m sure the place where you’ll be going will be much nicer. you’ll find lots of friends there. you won’t be lonely anymore.”
the next weekend my mom took petrie to my cousin’s place and left it there. i didn’t bother to come with her. i hate goodbyes.
after that episode, i was engrossed with other school stuff and i soon forgot about everything until my mom informed me that petrie died from something i did not quite understand, probably a disease it caught from the other birds. i was mad! if it was going to die anyway, i should have just kept it instead. on the other hand, would i prefer to have seen it die right before my eyes? i don’t know.
this is probably one of my earliest lessons about letting go. yet up to now, a dozen years later, i still haven’t learned much.