seeing red

this is all ria’s fault =p she’s the one who asked me to open the pandora’s box looking for emails to prove that she wasn’t hallucinating the past hehe. anyway, i found something entirely different.

i must admit i was such an anger ball. and maybe i still am. perhaps that’s why people at my first job alienated me. i was a walking ticking time bomb, full of angst and hate and bitterness. i was literally seeing red and fuming mad, all day, everyday, for 2 years. that was my way of coping up with loss – wrath.

on the other hand, i found some nice piece of advice to a friend from way back:

—–Original Message—–
Sent: Wednesday, November 28, 2001 3:10 PM

These are the things we do for love: suffer in silence and wait in vain; give our hearts away..

And what about the happiness? of what was and what has been? or what could never be?keep it. light it up when you’re alone. play it back like a phonograph. truly it has gone, and it hurts to remember, but then, hurting is not worst thing in life.. forgetting is.

And what of pain, of sorrow, of bitterness? throw it away like pebbles on the seashore. so you can walk upon it with stronger feet and lighter heart. tomorrow the soles of your shoes will have better wear, and it will hurt to go on walking.. but the journey never stops, and the map of life unfolds endlessly. we shouldn’t give up so easily.

And mistakes? there are no mistakes. life has no mistakes. i think it was James Redfield who said that there are no accidents in life. all things are meant to be.. experiences happen because there are lessons to be learned from them. failing to analyze an experience means losing the opportunity to learn from it.. we meet people because they have a message for us. ignoring them means losing the chance to hear that message.

Now what then? what of the future? what of tomorrow? i dont know. and i doubt if anybody else knows too. but you know what? that is where life’s beauty is, in having to stand up each time you fall, in having to learn from mistakes, in having to meet the people whom we can totally share ourselves with.. and yes in having to let go..

there is beauty in waking up to a morning that is filled with promises. it is wonderful to know what the next page of the story unfolds.

well, in short, it’s not the end of the world. there’s life out there, in mars or in pluto maybe =) and im sure everything will turn out right in the end.

and losing? dont worry about losing anything or anyone.

nothing is ever lost..
nothing that cant be found.

—–End of Message—–

Dear God, I want to be healed. Please take away all this anger.

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