01.27.10

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While the rest of the world are following the live stream of Steve’s iPad announcement, I am packing the last of my things on my pad. Tonight I’ll be returning my modem and later on I’ll give back my keys. It was fun while it lasted, at least I got to go from basement to penthouse in three years, that’s a great milestone for someone who never stays in place.

In a few more days, I’ll be back on the road like the littlest hobo. It’s a funny feeling, I should be happy to go *home*, but this is home for me now.. and I’ve never felt this way before about any other place in the world. I will always strive to come back here.

Maybe Tomorrow
Terry Bush

There’s a voice that keeps on calling me
Down the road, that’s where I’ll always be.
Every stop I make, I make a new friend,
Can’t stay for long, just turn around and I’m gone again

Maybe tomorrow, I’ll want to settle down,
Until tomorrow, I’ll just keep moving on.

Down this road that never seems to end,
Where new adventure lies just around the bend.
So if you want to join me for a while,
Just grab your hat, come travel light, that’s hobo style.

Maybe tomorrow I’ll want to settle down,
Until tomorrow, the whole world is my home.

So if you want to join me for a while,
Just grab your hat, come travel light, that’s hobo style

Maybe tomorrow, I’ll want to settle down,
Until tomorrow, I’ll just keep moving on.

There’s a world that’s waiting to unfold,
A brand new tale no-one has ever told.
We’ve journeyed far but I know it wont be long;
We’re almost there, and we’ve paid our fare with our hobo song.

Maybe tomorrow, I’ll want to settle down,
Until tomorrow, I’ll just keep moving on.

So if you want to join me for a while,
Just grab your hat, come travel light, that’s hobo style.

Maybe tomorrow, I’ll find what I call home,
Until tomorrow, you know I’m free to roam

Reflecting on: Isaiah 40:30-31

Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

Listening to: “This is Home” by Switchfoot

Watching: live stream of Apple event

Local News:
– Brampton family man needs liver transplant in four months
– help for Haiti continues
– Winter olympics in two weeks, local mountains might need snow air-lifted

the turning

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Inspired by the 29-day fitness challenge, I finally convinced myself to go back to the gym after a month of falling out. I tried the elliptical two days ago and it wasn’t bad, I just hope I can make it a habit.

Random conversation at elevator:

Guy with dog: So, working on New Year’s resolution, trying to keep fit and healthy?
Me: Yeah, let’s see how long it lasts
GWD: Well good luck, have fun

The fitness room was crowded when I got there; bike, treadmill and free weights area were all occupied, good thing nobody was using the elliptical so I didn’t have an excuse to procrastinate. It’s either the dduk-gook I had last night or I’m just tired but I felt it was harder to complete 30 minutes this time around compared to two days ago, I felt so heavy. Anyway, I’m hoping it will get easier everyday, I should catch up on my Physio exercises, my back is acting up, talk about aging =) blame it on the cold weather, that’s what they always say, right? ^^

I read somewhere that Twitter changed its question from “what are you doing?” to “what’s happening?” to encourage more posts about what’s up with the world. So in an effort to make my personal online diary a bit more timely, I’m going to add the local news section at the bottom of each post. Should be fun especially when I’m traveling, that would urge me to watch the news and know what’s actually going on in the city I’m in.

Today I have nine articles to write and the words are stuck. so I decided to just clean my fridge and finish the solitary tub of ice cream in my freezer, then I popped some corn and watched as the kernels jumped in excitement (first time I tried making popcorn from stove, wow! look at em go pop! pop! pop!). Finally, after being bloated and canceling out my entire workout, I settled back to finish my task. I now have a rekindled respect for writers, I realized that programming is actually way easier than writing, except when you’re debugging someone else’s code, but then that’s like proofreading and copy editing too, such a pain.

So I went on to TED, to find some inspirational talks on how to create nothing out of something. I hope it’s not necessary to have temporal lobe seizures before I can be creative. I found this Chinese proverb from Amy Tan’s talk on creativity really interesting: Saving a fish from drowning, but in the process the fish dies.. Get yourself in somebody else’s business and you’ll be stuck.. As I was listening to the Global National’s 2009: In Review (and I’m also listening to another TED talk at the same time; Steve Jobs’ “how to live before you die”, it says find something you love and do it, and live each day as if it were your last because one day you might be right), I browsed through an article saying “Unfriend” became Oxford’s word of the year for 2009, hmm *light bulb*, it just showed how social media websites became a big hit last year. I wonder what will strike out in 2010.  

Wow! Imagine, that’s actually 500 words I’ve typed in so far, now if only I used that for my article I would have finished 1/9. Oh well, time to start punching the keys… Right brain, work now!

P.S. I like this feature on Everyday Heroes, I first heard of Justin Hines from a tv commercial song two years ago, I got his whole album but I didn’t know he had Larsen Syndrome. Ben Verboom’s Cycle to Help is also very encouraging, that reminded me to finish my inner healing essay so I could one day lead an IH ministry as well, oh yeah but more words to string… There is one common theme here, it’s about people who didn’t let whatever bad things that happened in their lives, may it be a disability or a sad experience, to bring them down. Instead they’ve used it as a challenge to continue doing what they are passionate about and help other people in the same situation. That should be enough inspiration to start writing..

local news:
– memorial for four Canadian soldiers and one journalist whot got killed from roadside bombing in Afghanistan.
– fire at Vancouver Island
– new laws banning texting while driving and smoking inside a vehicle when a child is present

reflecting on: Luke 15:7

I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent.

listening to: “Entertaining Angels” by Newsboys

once in a blue moon

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Wishing we could choose our own landscape
Wishing me and you could just go anywhere we wanted
Once in a blue moon we’d stay out late
And watch the sun come up at five-thirty in the morning

It’s a blue moon on New Year’s eve, so I guess those people who once said they’d do something on a blue moon would have no excuse to run off this time ^^. There used to be a time in my life when I was just so awed by the moon, I was probably six then and just finished watching the lunar landing, inspiring me to be an astronaut or some rocket scientist. The dream went on till university and not really until I finally found myself at the NASA headquarters in Houston did I realize that I’m probably not gonna be fit enough to be an astronaut. So that probably means I won’t be stacking any flags next to the USA’s out there in that pot-holed surface.

When Geocities closed back in October this year, I lost a lot of literary works that I failed to backup. I was having some real world issues that I forgot my nine years of words were out there somewhere being deleted and falling into a virtual black hole. There were lots of poems and essays about the moon there. Beyond Forever was divided into Crossroads, Sunset, Moonlight, Nightscapes, Dreams, Chronicles and Footprints, I managed to salvage a few pages but the rest are now lost in dark recesses of my shadowy mind.

I ain’t seen you, in a month of Sundays
I never knew exactly what it was I wanted
Once in a blue moon, you’d keep a promise
When it’s you I don’t mind such a long wait

I haven’t written a poem in a long time. Maybe it’s just the lack of inspiration, (where does one get them anyway?) or the lack of time (I certainly have lots now), or the lack of motivation. I don’t know, I miss the Endless. I miss Bones From The Graveyard, I miss the NSP Poetry List, I miss a lot of irrecoverable things.

Someday I’ll find rhymes again, someday words will just fall into place and my pen will touch paper and make long winding loops and dots that will somehow make sense to someone somewhere someday. For now there is the blue moon and there is the New Year to welcome. I’m praying for things to fall into place. I’m praying for my country, which is currently beset by typhoons, fires, boat sinkings and volcanic eruption – I’m coming home to you in a few weeks, hang in there.

Day will surely come,
one day I’ll be with you
The day will surely come,
we will make it all come true

Soundtrack: “Once in a Blue Moon” by Lighthouse Family

cyclic redundancy error

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I never realized the extent of the redundancy in my life until the minute I started packing my stuff. You never really think you have too much stuff until you start trying to fit them in boxes or suitcases. I thought I was an expert in packing already, after the countless moves I’ve done over the years, I move at an average of five times a year ever since I learned how to walk, and it was only when I was in Makati and Vancouver when that average was reduced to twice or thrice at best. Anyway, I should have learned my lesson and stopped accumulating useless little things that add up, but well here I am, still on the same dillema.

Can you imagine having 10 colors of the same shirt? (this OCB reminds me of the “The Catcher in the Rye” in Conspiracy Theory) dozens of hoodies, tanks, jeans, pedals, shorts, skirts, dresses, flip flops, sandals, runners, boots, none of which I have actually worn more than five times. How did I accumulate all these? And when I move on to my electronics box, eek! More evidence of consumerism here. How have I become so consumed with the things of the world? It’s that bitten apple I tell you. It gives momentary happiness with its shiny blinking screens but causes much distress and grief to your wallet.

So now I’m faced with this awful task of eliminating these redundancy in my life. After all, how many laptops, iPhones and iPods do you need to be happy right? I’m thinking two of each would be good enough.. Kidding, of course you don’t *need* any of those to be happy, but then again, it’s not always what you *need* that makes you happy. It’s usually what you *want*. For now I just want to have less luggage, so I can travel light. So which one of these headphones should I keep? I mean, really now, how many pairs of ears do I have again? ^^

between the longing and the letting go

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Last Sunday of the year, and then four more Sundays to go before I leave on a jet plane, don’t know when I’ll be back again. Yeah I hate to go.. and yes I just mutilated a song.

This afternoon I stood before the altar and waited to get prayers, I’m lost and I need direction. This past few months has been a battle between what I want to do and where I want to be versus what I should be doing and where I should be staying. As I sat on one of the pews, I felt really sad, like a part of me has died, it almost felt like this is the end of the road for me and I will never come back here. I feel I have lost everything I strove for and I couldn’t help but just stare in space and blink back tears.

I felt this year has been all about me moving at blinding speed on a collision course heading straight towards God. And now I’m a wreck, but I can’t go back to how it was, I can’t go back to how I was. I don’t know why but just when I’m starting to get comfortable in a place or with people, I’m suddenly propelled away to the other direction. I just wanted to sink into the soil and grow roots, I just wanted a place to call home, but I guess my sixth grade poem was right, this world is not my home. And wherever God leads me, that’s where I’ll be, and that’s where I’ll thrive..

I’m just tired of all the packing, moving, goodbye-ing, I’m stuck between the longing and the letting go..

Let it snow! Let it snow! Let it snow! =)

Anyway, enough of the melodrama already, we must enter the new year with big smiles, big hopes, big dreams and lots of prayers. So now I’m gonna turn off the sprinklers and turn up the fun stuff. On other news, I just bought a song from iTunes, I’m trying to build my Holiday playlist, and so far here’s what I have:

1. You’re Here by Francesca Battistelli
2. Breath of Heaven by Amy Grant
3. Born in Bethlehem by Third Day
4. I Need A Silent Night by Amy Grant
5. Wonderful Christmastime by Jars of Clay
6. Love Has Come by Amy Grant
7. Emmanuel by Amy Grant

On still other news, I’m also doing some writing for $$$, reminds me of that song from Barbie’s Cradle: “Money For Food“. Here’s my revised lyrics:

“And maybe writing is a luxury
And when you can’t afford it someday
It’s possible you’ll starve
If you will write all you like…
’cause people still need money for food.

So if you happen to see me on the street
Would you please give me coins and a drink
Cause people still need people
Who have money to give
Money for food”

bee sea eye tee

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Just came back from yet another English proficiency exam so I could qualify for a full time course, and all I can say is I’m running out of words. The essay part had an interesting topic, the premise is that some people say everything that happens in your life is your sole responsibility or your own fault, it means you are in control of your life and there are no outside forces that meddle with the outcome.

Where is God in this equation?

I passed the exam, I qualify for enrollment, but I don’t think I want to study there.

carry me home

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My cousin just left for LA a few days ago, she was here for 6 days and I took her to all the ordinary places that a local would often take for granted. I hope she enjoyed her stay, I wish more friends and family would come visit me here. I don’t really enjoy going home to an empty home.

On her first day, we had dinner at this small Taiwanese noodle house in front of Metrotown, I’ve been looking for this one for the past how many months, I even thought it was closed already, my friend and I drove by a couple of times but couldn’t see it, but well apparently it’s still open and they serve really good iced milk tea =). After dinner we went to AuBAR for a dose of house music to satisfy the party girl in her – something she was really looking forward to. That was probably only the second time I’ve been to something like that here in Vancouver, the first time was two years ago and I distinctly remember my friend hurling at the side of the cab while on the way home ^^. This time there was nothing like that, I loved the effects of the lights and the way it feels like it’s pausing movements and slowing down time.

The next day we went to Church and I introduced her to people who are like my family here already. I remember my main purpose why I’m in this city – to work – but now that work is done, and I’ve lost touch with some of the people I used to hang out with at work, I am glad I have this Church community.

I showed my cousin how I lived my life here, we went downtown all bundled up in warm clothes, and I took her to some tourist landmarks like Gastown, Waterfront, and Stanley Park among others. We went to the healing rooms and got prayers, we watched a movie, shopped for souvenirs and gifts, ate sushi, cooked beef sinigang, went to a year end party, met up with a former workmate and talked nonstop till the wee hours of the morning about everything and nothing. I love my cousin, I love her eternal optimism and the way she brightens up even the most gloomy weather, It made me wish I had a sister.

I love this place, I really do, now if I can only take all the people that matters and ask them to take this empty seat beside me, then it wouldn’t be this lonely. For now, first things first, pack, leave, work, then come back when everything is better.

i’ve got troubles but not today

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i still think the best part of watching tv is the commercial, and the best thing about the commercial is the song, what can i say, i’m a soundtrack junkie =) here are some of the new tracks i’ve added to my ipod that are inspired by tv ads, they go under my adtunes playlist

7. on the bus by hello gumption (nestle drumstick)
8. wash away by joe purdy (dawn)
9. all you need is love by grayson matthews (blackberry)
10. fly me away by annie little (amazon kindle)

chasing the desert sun

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For a lot of people, Thanksgiving is a time for family. After getting an invite to meet up with my cousins in LA and counting my free miles, I decided to skip Vancouver’s rain in favor of the desert sun.

Ging picked me up from the Van Nuys fly away and we went straight to Jollibee to sample the chicken joy meal I missed, then to her mom’s place for beef sinigang. The vacation was proving to be a gastronomic treat.

The next day, we braved two and a half hours on the freeway to Palm Springs. It almost felt like we were chasing the sun. Palm canyon is a nice getaway equipped with all the distractions to keep any vacation fun. I enjoyed hanging out at the pool and playing hoops at the gym.

Our turkey less thanksgiving dinner was a hit. I missed reconnecting with family, and being surrounded with a rowdy bunch chased my blues away. The morning after, we hiked the calories off and explored the quaint downtown scene. We got lost looking for Cabazon and found ourselves on the Morongo wind mills. It didn’t really look like people were hardly hit by recession when we visited the outlet malls to witness the Black Friday madness, the store lineups were crazy long.

Aerial tramway – that was the highlight of the trip. Imagine being on a rotating gondola that was going up to 8000 feet of elevation, 5 towers, and 4 different kinds of climate in 15 minutes – sensory overload for sure. The scene change from desert to snow capped peaks was truly breath taking. At the top, you can do cross country skiing and snow shoeing, there’s also a restaurant, and a theater. For 20 bucks, I could do this every week, if only Grouse was that cheap.

Too short – that’s what I thought, but then again that’s what makes vacations more valuable, something to look forward to. I guess if everyday was like this, we would appreciate it less, that’s the tragedy of being human, sooner or later we get bored of utopia and want something new.

For now I am intoxicated by the blur of the past 5 days – I hope the buzz stays..

your love never fails

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Your Love Never Fails
by Jesus Culture

Nothing can separate
Even if I ran away
Your love never fails

I know I still make mistakes
But You have new mercies for me everyday
Your love never fails

You stay the same through the ages
Your love never changes
There maybe pain in the night but joy comes in the morning

And when the oceans rage
I don’t have to be afraid
Because I know that You love me
Your love never fails

The wind is strong and the water’s deep
But I’m not alone in these open seas
Cause Your love never fails

The chasm is far too wide
I never thought I’d reach the other side
But Your love never fails

You make all things work together for my good