Restless. This city leaves me yearning for more. I can’t stay too long, I feel like crawling out of this skin. This is not home, these strange people are like characters of a play that was written long before my time and now I am here, totally out of place, without meaning, without sense. I have too much time to think. Too much time to feel.

And the ghosts of my past are restless, wanting to come alive and wreak havoc. I need to gain control before it overtakes me. I can hear it sneaking up on me when my guard is down and I have too much time, too much time to not be me.

Tonight I walked to the skytrain while the weight of autumn gazed at my back and all these voices they keep screaming. I can’t make them stop. I need to be with people who stay grounded. I need these pointless conversations to make me stay sane. And yet I have to stay away. I can always blame the season, the gray that comes too soon. My head was heavy with unreasonable thoughts and I hopped on the train towards the wrong direction. Two stations passed before I woke up to realize that I should get off and go the other way.

I am restless. This city leaves ms restless. These people have no faces and they never mean what they say or say what they mean. They keep forgetting and I have to go away. I have to stay away. It’s for my own good. It’s for their own good.

Tomorrow I will stay away.