top of the world

went to cn tower last sunday, 147 stories high with a nice view deck and a 360 degrees revolving restaurant. the tour guide said it was the tallest tower on the planet, so literally we were at the top of the world.. *hum that karen carpenter song on the background* so that’s how it felt like to be on top, alone and empty and not to mention bitter, especially when you’re surrounded by couples smooching each other left and right. you would want to cut the railings and throw them out.

cn has a glass floor and you can look down all you want till gravity pulls your stomach upside down. i discovered i don’t have any fear of heights so i sat and rolled and jumped, wanting to feel the motion sickness that my friend nie was having.. no effects though, i probably left my feelers somewhere. one of the guests asked if it was safe to jump on the glass floor, the guide replied “yes of course, you can jump all you want, you only fall once” =p

riding the subway and going downtown for the first time was quite an experience, we didn’t know where to buy tokens or whether to get transfer tickets. finding our way to the tower was like traversing a maze, we encountered a couple of detours due to police barricades and falling ice. after the sight seeing, we missed the film and the roller coaster simulation and proceeded to dinner and shopping for souvenirs instead. i didn’t get any, i have a feeling i might be going back there sometime soon,.

next stop: niagara falls.

cebu skyline

this is all that i took home from my short trip to cebu last week.

the days were so fast that i barely had time to see all the people i’m supposed to meet up with.

well, that’s what next times are for.. something to look forward to (or dread).

mmmmmmmmm.

sober weekend

went out of town last saturday to visit the famed hinulugang taktak in antipolo. i was with mom and baron. it was a long ride, we left makati at around 430pm and arrived past 8pm at greenland. we ate a lot, and now my stomach is suffering, baron was nice, he fetched water so we could take a shower (that’s how it’s done in the province =p) and he carried most of the heavy stuff that we accumulated while shopping. the waterfalls is in a bad state i must say, it was really a big disappointment.

we were back in the city by sunday afternoon and had a steak dinner at greenhills, it took us a while to find the “house of minis”. i love the lamb chops there.

today i’m back to work and my stomach is still queasy, ria and lizette emailed me about the drunken revelation at their malapascua get away. i wish i was there.

i’ve been sober for too long, i don’t remember how it feels like to be inebriated anymore =)

back to my nook

here’s a fairly detailed account of my recent baguio escapade =)

the journeythe trip to baguio itself is already an adventure, getting there, and getting out of there was the real challenge. my friend ree and i were hoping to catch the 2am bus trip but arriving there at exactly 2am didnt really help =p we really couldnt blame ourselves because i must admit, it was hard getting a taxi at 1am while standing at the train railways =) the next available trip would be at 6;30am, camping out at the bus terminal waiting till sunrise didnt sound like a good idea so we just opted to risk and try the unknown by going there via dagupan,. the next bus to dagupan leaves at 3am, so we happily seated ourselves on the bus and crossed our fingers. there was still hope that we’ll arrive at our destination in one piece =)

we reached dagupan at around 9am, and the bangus festival was on going, part of me wanted to stay there and see the festival, but the bigger part of me just wanted to board the next bus and proceed to the pine tree haven. i was so tired, my head ached, and i was on the verge of hurling, apparently i’m not used to long bus rides anymore, and we havent even reached the place.

finally at half past 11, we got out of the baguio victory terminal with our 10pm return trip tickets for sunday.

the shop-a-holicsmy cousin arrived to pick us up at the terminal and we proceeded to her place to deposit our things and take a quick shower. the ice cold water brought me back to reality, and i was wide awake again in no time despite the fact that i havent slept in 30 hours straight. we had lunch at dencio’s which was housed in the newly constructed SM, the place was great, it sat on top of a hill overlooking the mountains and the city. we had a big lunch which probably was a sign that there was a long and tiring day ahead, and indeed the day went by as prophesized. we shopped for souvenirs, clothes and what have you. incidentally there was a 3 day midnight sale at SM, so we also took part in that, at around 12am, there was a band at the bazaar area and they were playing john mayer songs. i was cold and foot sore before we retired back to our room. but even before that, we were already contemplating on how we’d get back to the city earlier than 10pm the next day. if our computations were correct, we’d be arriving at around 4am monday, and that would leave us very little time for preparation in going to work. we had two options:

1. sell our return tickets and go home via dagupan again
2. try our luck being chance passengers for the 4pm trip

we chose the option 2 and i fell asleep listening to the beach boys sing my favorite sad song =)

sunrise and picnici woke up at 6am the next day and watched the sun go up while i stood on the terrace, so many things were going through my head, things from the past that kept flashing back, but i blocked them all out, i looked at the 2 sleeping figures on the bed and i wished i was still asleep and not thinking too much. so sleep again i did, or rather tried, i snuggled against the big hotdog pillow and pulled the sheets over my head, i wanted to hide and wait for the rest of the world to wake up. we finally went out of the house at around past 10, we shopped for some more souvenirs and procured our lunch.

getting lunch was in itself an ordeal, we walked for around 30 minutes just to buy food from different shops, finally we boarded a taxi to camp john hay. we had a picnic there near the small statue of liberty and after that we visited the graveyard of bad habits. we walked and walked and finally took another cab to take us back to the dry goods market so we can buy some bottled food stuff that we could bring home to our friends or family, my cousin bought two potted rose plants that her aunt requested, it was really heavy and i kidded her that maybe her aunt was an evil step mom in disguise =p

the long way homewe were standing in line at the terminal by 3:30pm and there were already around 40 people in front of us, the chance that we would be boarding an early bus looked slim considering that they were calling only 2 or 3 chance passengers per bus per hour. then the bonus trip came, and it was like winning a lottery jackpot, 50 people were accomodated, ree was so happy, my cousin was lost in her virtual world of texting =p, and i was just relieved that we would finally be able to sit down, my feet were still literally swelling, some insect probably bit me.

the ride home was rather uneventful, the driver played old love songs while most people slept. kat and i talked about childhood and dreams and fears. it brought back memories of summers spent in bulacan, moving from one city to the other, changing schools every so often and not making friends, college teachers and favorite subjects, moving away and living alone, things that go by unnoticed or things that want to fade into oblivion and things that dont want to be remembered, we talked about everything and nothing at all.

at the bus stopover, we went down to buy some snacks and to stretch our aching legs. kat and ree slept for the remainder of the trip while i drifted in and out of reality, listening to the song selection of the local radio station.

“You light up another cigarette
and I pour the wine
It’s four o’clock in the morning
and it’s starting to get light
now I’m right where I want to be
losing track of time
but I wish that it was still last night”
– “Promise Me” (Beverly Craven) –

im trying to run away from my past by moving away but i seem to be going in circles, maybe i was right, there is no ultimate point of arrival, the journey is a circle, and if we find ourselves standing where we started, then that doesnt mean that we have gone nowhere, because we may have lost parts of ourselves by getting where we are, but we’ve also gained pieces that will make our puzzle complete.

retracing my steps

i’m off to baguio at 2am tomorrow, its my second time to go there, the first time was 3 years ago i think, i hope i can write something about the experience when i come back on sunday. happy weekend everyone =)

here’s a rehash from beyond forever:

tops: a journey revisited
The first time I went to tops was back in 1996 with family and friends. We were first timers in Cebu, so we did the obligatory tour around the best spots of the city. And tops was one of them, so they say. I hated the place then, it was raining, there were no stars, the wind was freezing and worse, I didn’t bring a jacket. It was just like Tagaytay without the volcano, the hanging bridge, cottages, the lake, the boat ride… The next day I woke up with a flu, and a fever so high I could make water boil with my head, hmm, well not really, but it felt like that anyway. I thought to myself, next time I wont let myself be dragged from my bed without my trusty jacket, especially when mountain tops are in the destination list.

The next time was with a friend. Apparently my friend hasn’t been there yet, so i felt that it was my duty to pay one of Cebu’s tourist spots a visit in honor of my friend. Some sort of a tribute before my friend left for somewhere, with a hint of not coming back. We went there out of a whim actually. After watching the last full show of good will hunting at Ayala, and going home to my room with a final exam in logic and set theory at the back of my head, I decided to go out and find a taxi that would take us to tops. there was nothing new with the place, two years after I first visited it, the entrance fee was higher though, I noticed. It was almost the end of the semester, with a promise of a two month much awaited and well deserved summer vacation for battered college students like us.., and yet there was a sense of foreboding goodbyes and unremarked leave-takings. Somehow everything in my head has come together to show me some of the spirit of that strange and enchanting place. perhaps it is not only the place which makes a moment worthwhile, but also the people, events and feelings wrapped around with it. We went home at around 2a.m. It was foolish of me to bring my notebook there, thinking I would be able to study in the cold and dark. The next day I hurried to finish my exam, my friend would be leaving by boat that afternoon, and I left my damn diskette at home, very convenient for me, especially since that day was supposed to be the deadline of our last programming assignment. “sky rockets in flight” was still playing in my mind, a fragment of the song “afternoon delight”, as I was boarding the jeepney back to school. I did not dare look back to my friend’s shadow walking away from me. I hate goodbyes.

The last time I went there was two years and two months ago today. I was with that same friend, but the wind was blowing differently then. A pause between our words could mean a heart beat or a heart break. It was like a dance with the devil, a wrong step and he wins your soul. I’ll never forget that last time, again it was unexpected. I got a text message out of the blue, we were to meet at my friend’s house then go wherever the soles of our feet would take us. 15 minutes at the net cafe, a light snack at dunkin with the pineapple filled donut out of stock, and me ending up with a pineorange juice instead. We practiced aimless wandering for some time, saying things at the top of our minds, things without meanings, things that could easily slip out like “when were you ever fair?”. and me clutching my heart afraid i’d miss a step and end the dance too soon.

It’s funny how I recall things long past and take each fragment of memory as if they were from yesterday, the wounds still fresh, the scents still lingering.. I guess that’s my punishment for having a long term memory.

What can I say about tops that last time? I don’t know, nothing much really, I remember paying for the entrance fee with my hundred peso bill and forgetting the change, I remember looking earnestly at the cliff, bare without trees, at my cell phone wondering foolishly to myself why it has a signal, and my friend laughing at my stupidity pointing out that we are near a communications tower. There were no stars that night, or maybe the light from the tower was just too bright, I didn’t see the moon either. I only heard random voices whispering in dark. I didn’t catch if they were lies or promises, neither did i care.

In the universe I am merely a dot. a singular light that may fade out any minute, nothing I could have done would have made a difference. but there I was struggling to freeze frame the moment, to stop the morning light from coming, and to keep our minds inebriated by shadows of the past. our worlds spun too fast that i almost lost my bearings.

The walk home was the longest I ever took. Literally and metaphorically. There were no taxis waiting at the top of the mountain and so we had to go down on foot. we went home at 6am and slept till well past noon. The next day, in a state of dazed, suspended euphoria, I couldn’t bring my legs to stand up.

Time has a way of stealing moments from our lives. in spasms of sentiment I wonder what it would be like to remain behind, be swallowed by the memories, be buried in the past. Of course, I can’t; I’m moving on, wherever that may be next.

anywhere but here

my yahoo messenger status says “bug fixing in purgatory”

yep, that’s how it feels like right now. the aircon is malfunctioning and is spewing out molten lava instead of cool air. the heat is unbearable, this almost reminds me of the 3,000 people in france who died of heat stroke. may their souls rest in peace.. dexter, my seatmate has taken off his shirt and i’m almost tempted to do the same =p but i know that would create quite a stir here in purgatory and they might decide to demote me and kick me straight to hell =)

six days to go and we’ll be flying back home =) now, that’s the only good thing im hanging onto these days, i miss my pillows, and i miss my stupid dog who never fails to put paw marks on my pants when i leave the house for work in the morning.

but most of all, i just simply can’t stand this heat. if hell is like this, i better start doing good deeds from now on.. =p

kamikaze

it’s summer here in tamagawa,

and the first thing i did was download this really nice song i first heard at the movie “the real cancun”, it’s simple plan’s i dont wanna grow up. well yeah, I DO NOT WANT TO GROW UP. but s%$t happens, so here i am =p too old for turning back, too deep down the road to look back past the street signs i failed to take note of.,

what’s new with this place? nothing really, just the heat that seems to flow about like trapped mercury in a bottle. it’s 31 degrees celcius outside and the hot air permeates my skin too much that it’s not enough to take a cold shower or drown my head in a bucket full of ice to cool me down.

not much work really yesterday, i just had to reinstall the os for the notebook assigned to be my personal friend for the rest of the 27 days left of my stay here. real grunt work started this morning, i was assigned to setup the solaris machines.. so what did i really miss today except for breakfast? not much, i’m still in denial =p reality sets in more slowly these days, like it takes days for things to finally sink in on me, sometimes i find myself saying “did i really do that?!?!” or “i said that!!!?!?!?”. i’m probably stoned most of the times or they slipped something on my drink, =p

ah,,, pass me another kamikaze please =) life is good.. but please dont let me be just another drunken mistake..

siargao

ok, so let me tell you about siargao.. i have no more time these days to write things down so this entry is a bit delayed,

the boat for surigao left at 8pm friday night, there was a slight drizzle, but the trip was otherwise smooth. the boat docked at surigao port by 4:30a.m. and i proceeded to the hotel to take a shower and charge my soon to be useless mobile phone. the trip to dapa was 3 hours by boat, and by the time we reached the resort, i was exhausted and all i wanted to do was sleep.

but sleep was the last thing on the itenerary, we went island hopping, visited the mangroves, the surf, the yacht building, the sand rifts, we rented bikes and got sunburned, we went swimming at a private island in the middle of the sea.. in between, my glass overflowed of red wine and somebody stole my mule!

i was supposed to be back by monday but there were no boats going back to cebu, so i was reluctantly (yipee!) stranded in surigao. you can actually tour the whole city by tricycle, i went to their airport, which only accomodates 8 seater planes, and their bus station which can take me to the other parts of mindanao.

by tuesday morning i was back to work, sporting a sunburn.. now that’s what i get for not wearing sunscreen =)

of airports and sunsets

i once asked someone if our friendship, which was generally characterized by leaving and being left behind, would actually survive outside airports. this is the story of my life – staying for a while, moving away again, coming back, moving on, and letting go, letting go…

this sunset picture was taken while on our way home from our 48 day business trip to kanagawa-ken. i’ve always been fascinated with sunsets, it reminds me that another day is over and it gives me hope that my little tragedies would soon be over too.

today i’m back in the world of bug reports and bastardized english, trying to make sense and finding the hidden meaning in it all. incidentally, today is also the day we get measured up against formulaic standards of excellence also known as the merit rating, as for me, with the tons of bugs i create, i guess i should be given a demerit rating instead =p

*sigh* i’m spilling me all over the place again…

sepia-toned

It’s been almost 72 hours since i last laid down on my bed to get some sleep. “it’s terrible to work so hard and feel so little about myself” — these words kept ringing in my ears as i battled yet another pile of machine language.

Tomorrow we’re leaving for Cebu, i don’t know yet how i feel about that right now. I’m in a state of suspended insanity, and to let a flood of emotions go by would be as strange as looking at the world through a broken glass jar.

I haven’t packed my things yet, I haven’t even prepared so many little nonsense that I’m sure I’m going to overlook or forget something somehow, i hope not though…

I feel so tired. I want to close my eyes and never wake up again.