and it’s the waiting that kills me.
eyes weary, mind blank, nothing matters
but the stream of music roaring from
my mp3.
and it goes on, two hours and counting.
surprising how one tuesday night could
feel like a week that never ends.
time freezes like ice when you’re bored
reading letters over and over, finding
meaning for words lost a long time in
the past.
the dreaming starts; in between fits of
wakefulness and watching; and waiting,
yes the waiting..
that never ends..
don’t let me on to your fears
i won’t care, i don’t care
and if i say i never did
i know you’d see through me
but what’s the use of asking
i don’t need to see the mist
forming in your eyes
i can’t bear it, but neither
can i hold your hand
so let’s stay, as far away,
as we can, from each other
walk away, don’t look back
i don’t need another hurtful goodbye
as nights and shadows fill me,
feelings are flowers that wilt and die
don’t make me stay, you know i cant
ill laugh with you, lie with you,
but no, don’t let me cry.
again.
morning dewdrops
sweet faithful sunshine
lilacs all in bloom
across the meadows
the grass is green
underneath the sky so blue
birds are singing
such a lovely tune
the wind’s whispering your name
a happy thought
crosses my mind
as i suppress a tear
i know you’re happy
wherever you are
though you’re not here with me
still at times, i wish
when i am all alone
that somehow you’ll think of me
by the light of the moon
i felt the sunset in my dreams
as i walked down a lonely path,
until i reached the end of the cliff,
so then i stopped..
i was afraid, afraid of the light, afraid to fall..
afraid of the sunset in my dreams
i saw the sunset in her eyes
that day when i said goodbye
i saw her tears as they touched the ground,
and then i sighed..
i was afraid, afraid of the light, afraid of her tears..
afraid of the sunset in her eyes
i heard the sunset in his words
when he said he’d let me go
i wanted to touch him and comfort him
but then i walked away..
i was afraid, afraid of the light, afraid of his voice..
afraid of the sunset in his words
“There are no mistakes. The events we bring upon ourselves, no matter how unpleasant, are necessary in order to learn what we need to learn; whatever steps we take, they’re necessary to reach the places we’ve chosen to go.”
– Richard Bach “The Bridge Across Forever”
night has long eluded my dreams,
and every waking hour brings me farther
from where i should be..
as clouds of confusion settle,
i struggle to break free
i look for an escape, but i find none…
only solitude,
and the deafening silence.
still, every sunset brings me hope
believing somehow,
that light begins,
after this darkness
sublime, in stillness you break my walls
the stones crumbling, falling but not fading
you blind me with reason, non existent and unknown
and in passing you’ve stabbed my wounds
deeper than i’ve expected
who are you who dare climb my walls
who so boldly crosses the threshold of my pain
could you have stolen the key to my wrought iron gates
or have i, in feigned indifference, accepted defeat?
resigned to my fate, i hide in the darkest corners…
“why has God done this? since the night is intended for sleep, for unconsciousness, for repose, for oblivion, why make it more charming than the day, sweeter than dawn of evening? and why this slow and seductive moon, which is more poetic than the sun and seems intended by its very delicacy to illuminate things too fragile and mysterious for daylight, why should it come to make the shadows so transparent? why should the loveliest of songbirds not go to sleep with the others but linger on to sing in the disturbing shade?”
i hear the trembling of the rivers
as night turns to day
once again you rejoice
you who are such a lover of the night
tend to forget the solitude of my darkness
you embrace the sun with such exuberance
and loathe my moon with such passionate hate
still i give you freedom
to shower yourself with the clouds of daytime
and drown your pains in the blinding light
for i who knows how the world turns
shall expect your tears after sunset
i’ve watched you hide in my velvet shadows
a thousand times before
your heart soaked with bitterness
and your eyes filled with sorrow
no! you cannot run away from me
you may forget for now but not forever
my solace will lead you back to my embrace
i alone can give you comfort
away from the noise of day
yet you fear my coming
you are afraid i see too much
you know you cannot mask your feelings from me
— that is why you hate me
you prefer sunlight
with all its illusions and mirages
where reality is colored with white light
and your pretentious smiles erase their doubts
i shall remain..
night will always fall at sunset
and then my friend you shall see,
when you are tired of pretending to be happy..
i shall stay and hold you
and dry your tears away…
i walk past unpainted houses
back to where we used to sit
the tree blooms as stately as before
the grass, though, thinner, than
the last time we sat on it
newspapers strewn all over my room
im painting sunsets on midnights
as lonesome as this
and why, i asked myself why
do i write about those sunsets that i never see..
then i ask myself, oh, how
we have come so far, so far
from all that we could ever be
picking up shadows and colors
im capturing fragments of moments
but the moonlight mocks me
retracing my steps, i try to see
past the moonlight, the sunset,
the shadows, the madness
but im blind and im mad, and i feel
that im broken, broken, broken
dreaming of sunsets that i never see.
first light awaking
promising a new dawn,
a new beginning
while some stars shed off
their bright gazes,,,
the moon yawns in deep resign..
the skies tremble with my
heart’s longing
dusk has come and gone …
the sun is dawning
thorns wither with the new light
now i know why i live
i live to cry,
i live to die
i live to love…
and cry again…
good night, sweet dreams
and sleep tight
may tomorrow be just as good
as tonight,
to bring us closer..
before you go,
i’d like to know
does your heart still
long for me..
or has your love grown cold?
if you should wake,
and then find out
that what you
once felt is gone,
don’t worry, i’ll still care
and hold you close to me..
but for now,
good night, sweet dreams
and sleep tight..
i pray time will bring us closer
bring you closer to me…
good night.